March 11th, 2010
Let’s take a break from children and talk about friends …the adult variety. I got all flaky on myself this weekend and threw a copy of Psychologies into my shopping trolley. I read it cover to cover and found it quite disturbing that I have reached the age that I can devour a self-discovery magazine with as much relish as I once poured over Hello. The article that got my attention though, was not the one on saving my relationship but the one on breaking up friendships.
When you have a child, the dynamics of friendship change completely … as does your relationship with your partner and yourself … But that’s not really what I want to talk about here, mainly because I inadvertently brought a child into the article.
I want to talk about a great friend of mine. Well, she used to be a great friend of mine until she discarded me and made me question myself and the reasons she felt I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to be her friend anymore. What I discovered was that it had nothing to do with who I am and everything to do with what I did. I changed the dynamics of our relationship.
Our friendship I thought was based on a strong bond that revolved around common goals, interests and the fact that we had similar aged children (there I go again). We were somehow always there for each other and discussed problems over tea, coffee, sushi, anything going, almost every week. What I only realised once the friendship was over and she claimed she needed to create some space in her life was that all the problems we had discussed were hers.
And the reason the friendship ended? Well, it was my fault entirely. I asked her advice one day about a big problem in my life. I changed the dynamics of the friendship and broke our contract. I made it about me and that wasn’t the deal.
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March 9th, 2010
An expression I heard used when I investigated having the rust scraped out of my car – because once you start scratching, you have to keep on going.
So what happens when you start to itch? Do you scratch or do you let it lie?
Or do you just sell the damn car?
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March 8th, 2010
A relationship is point to point – a three-dimensional line that grows or shrinks according to moods and swings. Add a baby and you add another line. You have a triangle: a love triangle.
There is no greater or more complex love triangle than the one created by having a baby.
Someone is always left out and there is a massive amount of attention grabbing … usually from dad who can’t bear the sight of ‘his’ boobs being used as a dairy, and often from junior who, like the dog, pushes in during an embrace.
No matter how strong the lines are – the individuals who make up the triangle – the points of the triangle are likely to wear over time … and very often they just snap.
But sometimes you have to break the points to notice how the individual lines can be stronger than the shape they make up.
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February 27th, 2010
There are some great innovations going on in the nappy arena:
Nature Babycare, designed by a Swedish mum who can’t even sell them in Sweden; Nature Boy and Girl, based on same; Seventh Generation and gDiaper, to name a few.
These new innovations are all fabulous, trendy and partly nature friendly … Most claim to be compostable although there is a claim by some that the tabs and elastic edges take as long as a regular disposable to biodegrade (500 years!)
But, until you actually try the straight terrycloth variety, you just can’t knock it in terms of cost, fit, comfort, ease of washing and the most important part: recycling. The most green disposable nappy is Nature Babycare and even that is only 60% biodegradable – the best there is but still not perfect and when our landfills are filling up at an alarming rate, we need way closer to perfection than that. And then there is still the issue of wood pulp – all disposables, eco or not, use wood pulp and here lies the obvious issue of sustainability.
The shaped cloth nappies are great for parents who believe folding a terry square is beyond them … but what do you use them for when baby is all grown up? The simple terry squares win the day when baby grows up – they become kitchen rags, DIY clean-up cloths and even gym towels. Now that’s eco savvy, totally waste free and sustainable.
Links for your info:
http://www.naty.com/uk/Products/tabid/55/Main/Nature-Babycare/Sub/Nappies/MainId/3/SubId/21/Default.aspx
http://www.gdiapers.com/gdiapers101/flush-compost-or-toss
http://www.seventhgeneration.com/Diapers
See my link to a previous article for ready-folded terrycloth nappies:
http://www.bhalababy.com/2007/10/14/dispose-or-reuse/
And if you have any questions about how to go about starting down the route of sustainable eco-friendly terrycloth, I am always available to help – the environment means the world to me and my boy.
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February 24th, 2010
I sometimes disagree with my mother-in-law because … well, just because she is my mother-in-law and weren’t they put on this earth to create a bit of conflict in an otherwise happy home environment? But sometimes I disagree with her because – despite her claiming to have been around the block often enough to know better than someone of inferior years – I’m right. Even if sometimes I battle when it comes to giving the reasons.
I got so tired of her using the words silly and stupid in reference to my child’s behaviour but, because I couldn’t give her my argument why I felt so strongly about it, I taught my child to fight back with his words until she began to find more creative ways to describe how he was behaving.
It was only after her most recent visit that the voice from deep within was allowed a hearing and I realised that not only do I resent the negative terms that were used in my own childhood but that I have an exceptionally good reason to try and wean my own child off references of this nature.
It’s simple really – it’s simply about benchmarks. Use the benchmark of stupid when speaking to your child and your child will never feel he is anything better than that i.e. when he acts intelligently, he will believe he is just a stupid child with moments of intelligence. But tell a child he is not being clever rather than he is being stupid and he will realise that he is defined by his intelligence … with moments that do not match up to his capabilities.
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