I could spend a lifetime writing words
Of love to bring to you
Instead, I write our story in the spaces
Between the in breath and the out
In the moments where emptiness resides
Where expansion and contraction are simply
Tricks conjured by the moon on the tides.

I could spend a lifetime writing words
Of love to bring to you
Instead, I let you go with tips of glittered fingers
That bridge the abyss of far-flung shores
And I rest our yesterdays on our moon
Behind that piece that never fades nor fails
To streak its seeping gold against our skin.

I could spend a lifetime writing words
Of love to bring to you
Instead, I warm you by the heat of a star
It falls from the sky like salt from your brow
And there lingers on the ocean wave
That draws back between our sands no more
To press its kiss against another day.

I could spend a lifetime writing words
Of love to bring you back to me
Instead, I send you to the Milky Way
And bring you back through dreaming.

Hollow womb. Bloodied ground
cannot be heard on echo breath.
Empty nostrils sniff out the sound
of silence in a heartbeat’s death.

Pull a child from chink of day,
breath beats on in empty lungs.
The echoes of the dead still pray;
mute serf cut out their tongues.

Darkened holes of eyes drill deep.
A person turns to fill the space.
An empty body chants a beat
when incense idols leave this place.

The earth revolves and spills its light.
Bend, wring, echo twisted life.

Looking takes everything
Fits their souls
Sometimes
A baby sniffing soft arms
The pebble rolled of sand
The eternal
Small grains assemble
Eye out cliff’s fissure
Little suns
Can’t breathe
When the moment spits them to you
Little sun
Leave behind hucksters selling god
But at last yourself be.

Beloved,

I long to be the one

beloved, I yearn to be

special

to be the only

one with you, unhindered, untethered,

unleashed passion

oh you are mine,

beloved,

walk on the sand, the rocks,

the beach is ours to wallow in

sun and shadows

I flow to you

I am a stretching body

of water,

a flowing river towards a sea.

Hope,

longing for destiny

hope, desire to be where love is

magnetised

force fields in energy,

circles dancing in the ripples of light

drowning shafts

in water, we play, we live,

we are

sinking below the surface

look up and gaze upon my face

for I look upon yours

dreaming of you

playing in your glow

dancing, dreaming, drowning

desire, swallow me.

stilted

voices punctured

limp movement, paralysed

puppet suspended with broken throat

gagged

puppet

limp, suspended

throat broken, stilted voice

paralysed by punctured skull

braindead

Om lingam ebony heartache

curvaceous

Om

tiptoe bound soar

profound downpour

softly over down

covered head

Blue eyes. Water

Om lingam ebony heartache

soul released

burning body

soar from captured freedom

tiptoe bound soar

profound downpour

transient water

gone

say goodbye

welcome the world of rainbow colours

Om lingam ebony heartache

tiptoe bound soar

profound downpour

currvaceous

Om

Enter the self
Beyond the limits imposed by the self
Or others
Mama was wrong
Limits boundaries borders
Fabricated by self-doubt
Mama was wrong
Not the one nurtured for praise
The self is my self
Brewing beneath the surface
Inappropriately exposed
Uncomfortable in the world
Enter the self that is mine
Beyond the limits
Mama was wrong
Cutting and pasting
A cardboard doll
Pasting over the real
Mama was wrong
Paper burns

Paper burns
Mama was wrong
A cardboard doll
Cutting and pasting
Mama was wrong
Beyond the limits
Enter the self that is mine
Uncomfortable in the world
Inappropriately exposed
Brewing beneath the surface
The self is my self
Not the one nurtured for praise
Mama was wrong
Fabricated by self-doubt
Limits boundaries borders
Mama was wrong
Or others
Beyond the limits imposed by the self
Enter the self

Dancing on a leash

Upside down

Moving like melted chocolate

Life and soul

Rooted in the air

Upside down

Dance if no one is watching

Fall if no one is there

To catch

Gnarled and dry roughly thrusting outwards

Play umbilical chords

Lifeless detached not rooted

Strangled by mother’s nature force

My unstrummed brothers gave me life

Gnarled and dry roughly thrusting outwards

Smothered by the chord that bound them

She severed herself from the tree

Lifeless detached not rooted

Dead roots. Dead weight.

Not connected to this earth

Gnarled and dry roughly thrusting outwards

Shrivelled with memories of love

Some notes die so others may live

Lifeless detached not rooted

Just a girl

Brought life by boys who died?

Gnarled and dry roughly thrusting outwards

Lifeless detached not rooted

Thirsty roots suck life from earth

Rain that falls seeps through my veins

I lift my feet, pull up, resist the ground

The water creeps,

dilutes me, cuts me, makes me weak,

porous. I am rooted in water, and air

that rises gives life to plants, gives none to me

I shrivel. Close the gaps where darkness forms

Set loose through cracks, the barefoot hippy

freefalls, catches rainbows, leaps and springs

with yelps on jagged rocks beneath

I catch the birds and set the water free

I am old. I am wise. I am high

I am all the flowers and the trees. They are me

I am unpredictable. I am power. I am many

Penny, you are seen by all.

But you are things no one can see.

karmic chanting in time with my mind’s breathing … in, 2, 3, 4

I sit on the edge of my emotions … hold, 2, 3, 4

in lotus pose, holding up the sky… out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

forget the cat, the child and superman

breathing to the beat of my mind, I cannot stop

… hold 2 … relax

terror, agitation, anger

fermenting, festering, feverish

I am soda water

bottled under pressure

bubbling emotions force their way

up my throat, my neck, my consciousness

my mind wide open

my top is snapped off, it bleeds

down shaky knees

and the mountain loses its pose

I fall through mind’s eye

down into the abyss, my demons’ lair

of fudge-sweet smells and burning incense

I explode on impact, and then expand

filling every gap, crack and cave

I gaze, I see, I am the eyes of my fear

I shift and move, melt and meld … in, 2, 3, 4

dissolve in fear of god … hold, 2, 3, 4

I am everywhere

I am everything

it is gone, it is over, I have found

inner pieces of the mirror … out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

when I look closer at the depth of my fear, I see

there are no demons in here

… hold 2 …

there is just Me

relax.

The music sounds heavy

as my heart

thumping to the drums

the stamping of the feet

on my heart

heavy, burdened, tired

beating away at my life

The music sounds heavy

like the beat

of a butterfly’s wings

flapping slower and slower

drift and beat

lifeless and weightless

to the ground below

The music dies

… down

Within the curved
shadows, trapped in matted grass
clumps clods earth mound root
jagged wood and ragged rock
sunk in thirsty mud
a flower trapped
curved funnel
opened towards the sky
pointed tongue
licking wanting consuming

Within the curved shadows,
trapped in matted grass
clumps clods earth mound root
jagged wood and ragged rock
there lies a secret
sworn silence
fork of tongue
from sleeping serpent
speak the ghastly truth
of time that was

Within the curved shadows, trapped
in matted grass
clumps clods earth mound root
jagged wood and ragged rock
a million lives
on curving pathways
a lurking labyrinth
leading to the edge
of poisoned time
contained within the curve

SCRATCHING around in the depths for the words. Scratching my brain for the structure. Scratching my heart for the emotion. Scratching the dog for inspiration. Scratching the surface. Clawing my way deep inside myself. Nails and Teeth. Grit. Torture. Physically exerting the quiet writer inside. Teeth. Biting through the heartache. Covering over with sand. Startled at what was there. The bedlam. The mystery. Use the angst to write the story. Coffee Bay and Beds. Scratching at my truth. Whose Truth? Twisted and Dark. Delusions and Delirium. Chalkboard. Silent scream. Mice behind the skirting boards: bleeding from nose and gums. Tragic death. Gory. Brutal. Honest. No compassion for the words on the page. Putting up boundaries to break down the barriers. Feel enough to no longer have to feel the pain. Scratch at the heart because the head does not respond. Scratching tired eyes. Close the book. Put down the pencil. Enough now.

Sandpaper on Varnish

Enter the self
Beyond the limits imposed by the self
Or others
Mama was wrong
Limits boundaries borders
Fabricated by self-doubt
Mama was wrong
Not the one nurtured for praise
The self is my self
Brewing beneath the surface
Inappropriately exposed
Uncomfortable in the world
Enter the self that is mine
Beyond the limits
Mama was wrong
Cutting and pasting
A cardboard doll
Pasting over the real
Mama was wrong
Paper burns

Paper burns
Mama was wrong
A cardboard doll
Cutting and pasting
Mama was wrong
Beyond the limits
Enter the self that is mine
Uncomfortable in the world
Inappropriately exposed
Brewing beneath the surface
The self is my self
Not the one nurtured for praise
Mama was wrong
Fabricated by self-doubt
Limits boundaries borders
Mama was wrong
Or others
Beyond the limits imposed by the self
Enter the self

stilted
voices punctured
limp movement, paralysed
puppet suspended with broken throat
gagged

puppet
limp, suspended
throat broken, stilted voice
paralysed by punctured skull
braindead