I recently took my child to visit his grandparents for a week. It’s always interesting hearing the things he comes up with in this completely different – often dysfunctional – environment; a setting that brings out in him a renewed confidence to speak his mind … ironic considering I tended to forget I had one when I was living there.
Sitting at the dinner table one evening, we were talking about someone we had met on a picnic, commenting on his wonderful sense of humour and eclectic flair. My father seemed out of the loop so my mother leaned in close and filled him in. “He’s gay!” she said in a whisper that made it sound criminal, her eyes flashing over to where my child was sitting.
“Pffft,” my child muttered, drawing himself up tall, folding his arms and mustering all he could of his six-year-old ego. “You do know that men can marry men and women can marry women, don’t you? Don’t you?” he demanded. I gave him the proud mum look … with a touch of amusement … then sniggered into my pumpkin risotto, waiting for a response. There was a stammering from the other side of the table … then silence … before my – much older – niece broke in with, “And men can marry women.”
“Ha!” came the reply. He smiled, relaxed and uncrossed his arms. “OB-viously!” he chuckled and continued with his dinner.
I don’t always know where he gets his information but I try not to shush him when he’s expressing himself even when it is at the expense of ‘normal’ dinnertime conversation in a house where even I am still learning how to fully express myself. I’ve learnt, though, since a recent conversation with my mother that perhaps we both need a lesson in boundaries when visiting there. There is a possibility my house will be sold and I will need to be out before Christmas. I have been telling everyone I’ll be going to Durban to stay with my folks for a while until I find somewhere to live, taking the unconditional love of my parents for granted. Prematurely it seems! My mother’s response to my suggestion was, “Haha, it’s not going to happen.” Clearly she has no trouble expressing herself … loud and clear!
I see so many parents torn between their need to see their children and their neurosis about their nest egg and recently a lot of people have lost their nest egg despite their choice to grow that instead of their children. Obviously there are people who don’t have the choice and have to be a double-income family. But if no one’s going to die if things are downscaled, then surely the choice is a simple one. This isn’t a judgement of people who want more as I totally get it – I get ambition and the freedom money can buy – I just need to make the point that all choices come with compromise and it’s best to be certain you can live with whatever that compromise may be.
