So she bought the Diva Eats Homework story … but she gave me tougher homework this time. A few of my chakras are out and they need some serious PT to pull them ‘back in’. My heart chakra is totally closed, as is my base chakra and my throat chakra is way open and way closed all at the same time.
The problem with my throat chakra is that it closes up and then all of a sudden opens way too much and then I talk … a LOT. On my own I am rediscovering the truth of who I am – very upbeat, relatively chilled, and not at all angry. The first two still apply but the last one … geez … we’re talking Tourette-style outbursts that would clear the shelves of Coleman’s English mustard at the local Pick n Pay should I still be a teenager in my mother’s house. But when the words spew forth during a normal conversation, I am fortunately as inappropriately amused by them as I would be were they falling from the lips of someone with the actual disorder. But apparently my laughter and subsequent self-deprecation won’t cut it; I need to do some serious work in the area … on quality as well as quantity.
Base has been out for a while – I eat root vegetables, I wear red and tuck various semi-precious stones of varying frequency into my bra, I do kriya and I go for dips in the ocean. But until I stop sabotaging my health and until I feel secure in the world and until I can trust without fear of abandonment, I can consume all the beets in the world for the good it’s going to do me. Grounding myself is tough when I have always been rooted in the air.
My offensive language and health issues do not, however, come close to the work required to prevent heart failure. My formerly open heart chakra that brought with it the characteristics of love, compassion, empathy and altruism is probably where most of my work lies. Closed doesn’t look good on it. But I too readily shed my cloaks, and I then opened my heart too wide … my soft landing turned out to be a rocky outcrop and my knuckles are white from hanging onto the edge. I’ll be letting go any day now.
Today brings the new season’s new moon, Navratri and a nine-day fast, which is sure to bring alignment, focus and the emergence of new possibilities … and maybe even a new vocabulary. But not just yet. My car broke down again today – £%$%!^£$@&^%& – and while I was still adjusting, through new awareness, my approach to the situation, the mechanic’s intern approached me shyly and offered me the use of his car. I recognised the part in me that wanted to say “No” but I shushed her while fuelling the car from a jerry can and push-starting it down the hill. Driving an old beat-up Beetle with no petrol gage, a dodgy battery and an ignition that needs gentle coaxing to fire it up is definitely good for the heart chakra; it’s red so the base chakra is sorted, and the whoops and hollers as I will it up hills opens my throat to a healthy volume.
No theme song today so I end with a quote from the chakra book I’m reading:
“For one human being to love another human being; that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
At last I understand this doesn’t mean romantic love but the love that flows from my heart for all – that is the real love that will open my heart again. And the grounding trust will flow from that place and hopefully put a lid on my foul mouth. I often wish I could put a lid on transformation … but it would be something like damning the Thames and my river needs to flow if I am one day going to emerge the person I am meant to be.
