I will begin by stating that I love my child since this is a detail that tends to get lost at moments during the reading of this blog. There were times when I wished him away … well there were times, once the morphine wore off, that I wished everything away … but that was pre all the adrenalin-junky leaps of faith that I have subsequently taken. I have lost him a couple of times … ok, not really lost him, but rather misplaced him … and it felt like my soul was being violently ripped from my body. And, you know something, I’m glad it happened. Sure, I wouldn’t wish to feel that agony and trauma ever again but I am thankful for the feeling that my world would end without him. That feeling made me acknowledge that I would cut off my right arm with a blunt saw to keep him safe … that feeling made me acknowledge that I am a person who has custody of a child … that feeling made me feel like a mother … finally.

I had a friend once who, when people asked her what she does, always began with, “I’m a mother”, before stating profession etc. For me my job came first, my hobbies next and the label, Mother, was tagged on the end as an after-thought, along with Wife … a possible explanation for my current relationship status.

Unprompted, this morning, my child climbed into my bed and gave me his interpretation of a bear hug. “I love you because you are my mum. Happy Mothers’ Day!” he said, and I wanted to cry for all the crappy days I’ve had as the difficult mother I am to my child … guilt creeping in more and more as he tidied his bedroom, cleaned up the TV room and threw his arms around me every chance he got.

I suppose my point is that although being a mother is not something I would have chosen and although I bitch about it constantly, it’s purely a branding issue and it has nothing to do with my son and the incredible person he is. Just because motherhood isn’t for me, doesn’t mean having this person in my life isn’t exactly how I want it to be. I needn’t slot into convention and I needn’t adopt the branding but today I acknowledge my role.

And on that note, as a single mum, I have to take the opportunity to wish all those hot mamas out there a Happy MILF Day.