“I wanted to go to him, but I felt like I was tied to the chair. Some part of me was holding me back, knew I’d reached my limit. And just like that, I united myself from Mr. Big. I was free, but there was nothing exquisite about it.”
- Carrie (Sex & the City)

No, nothing remotely exquisite about it! It still feels raw, like an entire layer of skin has been peeled off my body. But, just like recovery from that sweet pain of addiction, I have been through the cold turkey, felt like dying … and now my head is clear. The cravings have become easier and my resolve gets stronger each day. I went from one hard drug to the next and ended up living my life in limbo … angsty, unsettled, unfocused, not knowing where the next fix would take me. Entirely at its mercy. And totally blindsided.

Carrie eventually got her Mr. Big when she was forty … after waiting ten years. Now that kind of drug abuse could kill anyone, and it’s just like Hollywood to turn it into a marriage instead of rehab.

I have two camps of friends: the one that supports my romance – you’re destined to be together so of course he’ll come back for you – and the one that supports my reality – if he lied to his wife, he was lying to you too. And there comes a time when romance always gives way to reality.

I am breaking my addiction to Romance. I am totally aware that Once an Addict, Always an Addict. But I am equally aware that a Habit is not a Need. What’s Needed is a firm grip on Reality.

But that won’t stop me from continuing to walk through life with my palms facing the sky.