She asked me if I was jinxed … she mentioned that I had been talking a lot about handing out my mediator’s number to female friends on the precipice of divorce. She even jokingly said she probably shouldn’t see so much of me in case it rubbed off on her, and I’m still not so sure her laughter was to do with humor or nerves.
My friend has a point. Since I started the divorce process, I now know a multitude of couples either attending therapy, seeking mediation, getting separated or in the full throws of divorce. Is it purely because I am now privy to the private lives of others going through the same thing I too am experiencing … or am I caught in some kind of supernatural chain reaction that begins with one, and then gradually makes the next person more comfortable with the idea.
If I think back to my parents’ day when we were freakishly sheltered from such talk of the unmentionable breaking of God’s eternal union, I can’t help but wonder what hugely fundamental thing has changed that it is now almost acceptable to engage in the drama of divorce.
Can I blame it on Hollywood, Jerry Springer and the scourge of social networks … or are we just floundering about trying to find our way because we’ve done away with the rules? As relatively areligious beings, do we have too many choices outside of The Book? Biblically minded people still have guidelines to follow but as so many people move beyond the confines of this norm, we charter a territory where we are forced to forge new pathways where others can follow.
Of all the friends of mine who are navigating and following, there is one who is still clear about her boundaries, one who has it all mapped out because of her religion. The rules are still clear for her. The guilt is there to ensure she suffers through her decision and she asks God regularly to tell her when – or if – she should get divorced. Sure it makes things a little simpler when someone else can take the responsibility for your actions … but she’s got my mediator’s number just in case God doesn’t take her call.
