I realise I have spoken plenty about that desperate need to procreate but then there is that cautious desire to provide your child with a sibling. Should I, shouldn’t I? What if I do, what if I don’t? … and all the other what ifs.
It’s a tough decision that never gets any easier. The only difference between having two and deciding to stick to one is that you can wish you had had another one but, if you do have that other one, you can never say you wish you’d only had one … as that would be diminishing the value of a human life … an extremely important human life since you would have made it from scratch.
Posts Tagged ‘siblings’
A-nother
Sunday, February 21st, 2010Sibling survival
Tuesday, October 20th, 2009Everyone likes company from time to time and the easiest way to get it is from a sibling … often yet certainly not always the case. But this is no reason to keep breeding. Survival instincts just change for a child who is destined to be on his own. An only child can play with whomever he likes, wherever he likes, whenever he likes … and doesn’t have to play with anyone when he doesn’t feel like it. He is neither restricted to siblings nor forced into relationships he doesn’t want.
Children with siblings tend to remain in their comfort zone, as there is little need to look beyond that zone. Parents can make this worse by forcing friendships to form between siblings, which are often not the natural relationships, and at the same time not encourage lasting relationships outside of the family unit. I can’t help but wonder what kind of restrictions this places on the child in other areas of life later on.
People ask if my child wants a sibling. Yes, of course he does … but he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He’s four and people actually think he should be the one who gets to decide. I also get asked regularly why I don’t want to at least try for a little girl … little girls are a mystery; big girls are a mystery … I have three sisters so I don’t even want to go there.
I would hate to place myself as the benchmark on these issues but, having grown up in a big family, I can honestly say that it is far better to have friends scattered around the globe; friends who drift in and out of my life, as well as a potential pool of friends just waiting to be made, than siblings who feel entitled somehow to a pound of flesh for coming from the same womb. Everyone is as dysfunctional as the next person; I just like to be the one to choose which dysfunctional people I want to hang out with.
After all, there are no answers … only choices.
Siblings
Monday, October 12th, 2009It’s fine to have an only dog … but not an only child. No one ever asks, “so, when are you getting another one?” when referring to a family pet. But, when it comes to children, there is a need to enquire relentlessly about a sibling for your only child. My child already understands about periods and pregnancy and started climbing into bed with me in the mornings … the way too and very early mornings! … to enquire about this question he has about getting a baby brother. I tried the argument that I had made a decision to have him only (he claimed to be lonely), then the one about there being no guarantee that I would produce a boy for him (he said he wouldn’t mind a girl either) … and then I offered him a puppy.
As luck would have it, my promiscuous first-born has been shagging the bitch up the valley and it looks like there is a litter of puppies on the way. I’ll even forego the paternity test just to keep my child happy … well, er, actually to keep myself happy … my child who now claims to like puppies just as much as a baby brother or sister. And also a child who has decided a girl dog would be best because then our dog would be able to mate with her all the time and not have to run off to see Bella all the time.
I can tell you, a dog gets a lot lonelier when on its own than a child ever gets.
Sibling lessons
Monday, July 27th, 2009People place a tremendous amount of pressure on the unborn siblings of their children to teach them how to share, be sociable, play nicely and be well-balanced humans. They don’t seem to realise that these are skills that can only be learned from parents and role models and that siblings tend to teach the complete opposite … like how not to be any of the above.
I am one of four and I learned how to keep to myself and to hang on to my stuff as tightly as possible lest it be wrestled from me or taken in the dead of night. My siblings totally screwed me up. Norman Bates was not an only child … he just killed off his siblings before turning on his mother.
Relationships left adrift
Friday, August 1st, 2008Call it the self-righteous attitude … and I have no doubt it has a little something to do with it … but just when you think things are settling back to normal, you realise that the friendship dynamics have gone all screwy. People’s need to procreate excludes them almost completely from regular social contact. And I don’t mean only the actual act of procreation which, in itself, takes that time and effort which no one (in their right mind) is (or ever should be) loathe to give when the circumstances are right (be it fruit-bearing or not … if you know what I mean). I mean the 2.4 children syndrome—yes, syndrome!—that causes families to retreat into their … well, families … and leave little room for friendships. I have most likely mentioned this before because it has a huge effect on me and mine. I am one of four children and never did that prevent my parents from interacting with numerous other families on a regular basis so we could interact and socialise. They didn’t have so many children as an excuse not to do this … what I mean is that they didn’t have subsequent children to provide playmates for previous offspring. (Eish, this is called talking myself into ever decreasing spirals.) More to the point, and what I am really trying to say, is that, as the mother of an only child, I wish people would be happier letting their kids out to play with friends than procreating siblings as a way of creating an insular family that has no need for others. Perhaps knowing my child would always be an only has prompted me to promote in him an independence when it comes to heading off to play with whoever he chooses. I can’t, obviously, speak for others and their reasons for all these quirks that come out of such a natural human condition … but I’m pretty sure whoever came up with 2.4 should be audited.
