It sounds surgical every time I say this, but I am separating from my husband. I often wish it were surgical as both the procedure and the recovery time would be shorter. Besides all the material I have on the subject which you will no doubt be subjected to at a later date, I have to mention that our child has not slept in his bed for a very long time. Now most often when couples allow their babies/toddlers/children to sleep in their beds I would profess to an unhealthy marriage and one that is most likely going to break up. But my child has been in his own room, in his own bed since the day we arrived home from hospital and has only slept with my husband and me since we have no longer been sleeping in the same room let alone the same bed. I can’t help but wonder that perhaps the child in the bed thing gets a bad rap. What if the child in the bed is only the scapegoat for a marriage that is on the rocks anyway? What came first: the broken relationship or the child in the bed?
Posts Tagged ‘sleep’
The chicken and the egg
Monday, June 21st, 2010Children of friends
Thursday, February 11th, 2010I’ve never really found myself bothered to get to know the children of my friends … that is, until I stayed with friends with children without my own child. And I really got to know them.
There is a definite shift when you don’t have your own child around as your entire focus moves from making sure your child is polite, doesn’t wreck anything, hurt anyone, spill anything etc etc …
I was on holiday and that helped – no routine and a stress-free existence of not having to jump as soon as there were tears and it was someone else’s problem when there were cries of “mummy, mummy’ in the night. My friends were worried I couldn’t sleep with the disturbances but, honestly, it was bliss. If only I could feel like that when my own child is around. I’m sure the world would not stop spinning if I just cared a little less about all those ripples when something sets him off.
Let him just be? I could try.
Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009I still have a problem with his sleeping. It’s as though he sleeps more now to make up for my keeping him awake when he was a baby—I followed Gina Ford but I didn’t take into account that her entire formula was based on keeping baby awake for certain hours during the day so baby would sleep at night. I had a baby that would happily sleep all day and then go on and sleep all night too. And I would phone TLC (baby clinic) in tears and ask what I could do to make my baby stay awake—in retrospect, I’m not sure how I escaped being committed.
He now sleeps during the day, goes to bed at night at a decent hour … but wakes me up reaaaaally early. Teaching him his numbers early on has paid off though—when he started wandering through to our room to climb into bed with us close to 5 a.m., I put a digital clock in his room and told him he was not allowed to come through until 6. The first few mornings he came through at 5.06, 5.26, 5.46, 5.16 … until he figured out (with some gentle, hair-pulling persuasion) that the 6 had to be on the left, not the right. We now have a perfect alarm clock… pre-set until it reaches the teenage years.
Baby OM, The Economist and Pavlov
Thursday, February 14th, 2008My child now asks for Om Pady Hom … which, in case you still have post-baby jelly brain … is really Om Mani Padme Hom and is a Buddhist chant. To calm him through his crying fits – whether from the reflux, the sleep training, or my total lack of ability to be anywhere near him – I would either play the CD of chants (the very ones that calmed my nerves on many death-defying bus journeys through India) or chant to him in my very own off-key tone. It is a coincidence that he was trained like Pavlov’s dog but he now has his own chant and it is a relief to everyone that there is something that calms him instantly.
I chose reading to him, above the ubiquitous kid-friendly DVDs, which I couldn’t bring myself to watch let alone inflict them on my child. I only had one children’s book in the house at the time – Mr Happy (a gift I had bought my husband when we were in London and he was miserable) – so, when I was thoroughly sick of reading that, I turned to my subscription of the Economist and let him drift to sleep over the latest news of global economies and banking scandal. Turns out, it usually sent me into a deep, much-needed slumber too. Another Pavlov victory: he loves listening to me read to him and can sit still for hours while I read anything I have with me at the time.
Sleep Deprived
Monday, February 11th, 2008A term always used when referring to new parents … but almost never when referring to the new baby. It is usually common for the baby to get all the sleep it requires. Unless, that is, you think Gina is the Rabbi and you are prepared to do whatever it takes for your baby to fall into The Routine.
You don’t let the new baby sleep in your room, let alone in your bed; you never allow the baby to sleep when the Fridge Rules clearly state it is playtime, and you never rock the baby to sleep … ever.
The Rules are very clear on the need to keep the baby awake for two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon for playtime. What they are not clear on is that the Rules are specifically in place to help parents with babies who don’t like to sleep. And what they should be especially clear on is that the parent should not distress if baby would rather sleep for 24 hours a day than lie on its play mat and look interested.
I woke him when he was sleeping. I tried to play with him while he was sleeping. I talked and sang at the top of my voice to try and prevent him from sleeping. I tried everything in my power to keep him awake when The Rules dictated. I deprived my baby of sleep. And then I complained of being sleep deprived myself.
