Posts Tagged ‘wife’

 

Happy Mothers’ Day

Sunday, May 8th, 2011

I will begin by stating that I love my child since this is a detail that tends to get lost at moments during the reading of this blog. There were times when I wished him away … well there were times, once the morphine wore off, that I wished everything away … but that was pre all the adrenalin-junky leaps of faith that I have subsequently taken. I have lost him a couple of times … ok, not really lost him, but rather misplaced him … and it felt like my soul was being violently ripped from my body. And, you know something, I’m glad it happened. Sure, I wouldn’t wish to feel that agony and trauma ever again but I am thankful for the feeling that my world would end without him. That feeling made me acknowledge that I would cut off my right arm with a blunt saw to keep him safe … that feeling made me acknowledge that I am a person who has custody of a child … that feeling made me feel like a mother … finally.

I had a friend once who, when people asked her what she does, always began with, “I’m a mother”, before stating profession etc. For me my job came first, my hobbies next and the label, Mother, was tagged on the end as an after-thought, along with Wife … a possible explanation for my current relationship status.

Unprompted, this morning, my child climbed into my bed and gave me his interpretation of a bear hug. “I love you because you are my mum. Happy Mothers’ Day!” he said, and I wanted to cry for all the crappy days I’ve had as the difficult mother I am to my child … guilt creeping in more and more as he tidied his bedroom, cleaned up the TV room and threw his arms around me every chance he got.

I suppose my point is that although being a mother is not something I would have chosen and although I bitch about it constantly, it’s purely a branding issue and it has nothing to do with my son and the incredible person he is. Just because motherhood isn’t for me, doesn’t mean having this person in my life isn’t exactly how I want it to be. I needn’t slot into convention and I needn’t adopt the branding but today I acknowledge my role.

And on that note, as a single mum, I have to take the opportunity to wish all those hot mamas out there a Happy MILF Day.

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Isn’t it ironic …?

Friday, May 8th, 2009

I worked to the point of obsession (me and Gina) to promote independence and a sense of self. I ensured that my child would be in bed every night be 7 p.m. so that my husband and I could have time … adult time. My child slept in his cot from day one and only slept in our bed on occasion during daytime sleeps and very rarely at night if he was too sick and we were too tired to attend to him (up and down the spiral staircase!). It’s not easy following such a strict routine but it pays off when your child responds and never gets between you in bed.

Well, that was the idea.

Despite all efforts, he came between us anyway … not physically but emotionally. He is always there. And there remain so many unspoken conversations about how we both feel in our new identities as parents. Being a parent is a vulnerable and fragile time and it is often not treated with the respect it deserves. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a lover, a writer, a patient, a client, a consultant, an employer, a dog owner, a Beetle driver, a shoe lover, an optimist, a runner, a breather … and so much more, I could risk running out of blog space. But when I added mother to this list, it tipped the scales, and balance is something I have been seeking ever since. I find it so difficult to switch and juggle a multi-faceted personality … but only when I am in the role as mother. My new persona takes so much from the old ones and it’s difficult enough trying to deal with those stats when you’re also playing out a guilt trip about what your new role is draining from your partner’s other personas. You whine and moan about not getting enough space when it’s just the two of you … but when there’s three, space is the one thing you could happily do without.

Does he know he’s getting between us? Of course not. I used to tell him he was ruining my life … and he developed a sense of humour. Now, I giggle with him all day and deal with the other stuff when he’s gone to bed.

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